Meeting the Inlaws

I was hoping to save this post for a later date but I can't get it off my mind so now's the time..I guess.

I should warn anyone reading this that this story is bloody and may be too graphic for some.  Read at your own risk.

It was July of 1987.  I was still stationed in VA on board the Puget Sound.  Dennis and I were living together off the ship and were preparing to fly to Michigan for his sister Tammy's wedding. 

I had met his mother and father once before this when we drove to Coleman, MI before we left for a 6 month Mediterranean Cruise.  But this time I was meeting EVERYONE!  All of the Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Nieces, Nephews and family friends and neighbors. 

Dennis wore his Navy Whites and I decided to wear civilian clothing to the wedding.  It was a hot day in July and  against my better judgement I also wore the dreaded pantyhose. My dress was a two piece, cotton, tan and brown tropical print. I was dying during the ceremony.  There was no A/C in the church and you know me and my sweating problem..

So the ceremony is over and Dennis and I are standing out in front of the church trying to find a breeze somewhere.  I was seriously so sweaty I thought about going home and changing outfits.  ( I really should have)
But instead we left for the reception which was only about 15 miles away from Den's parents house where we were staying.

At the reception I was seated at one of the head tables because I was with the immediate family. On my right was Aunt Cele.  She is Den's oldest Aunt.  On my left was Den. The dinner was buffet style and I believe our table was the second to go.  I stood up and followed Dennis to the line and behind me was Den's brother in law and also Den's Nephew.  The food looked so good and I was so hungry I couldn't wait to get back to the table and NOM NOM NOM....

It may have taken about 10 to 15 mins to get my food and make my way back to the table serpentining through all the other guest tables.  Just as I sit down Aunt Cele grabs my hand and leans into me and whispers "Diana are you menstruating?" 

WTHECK!?  Are you kidding me?  So I'm not sweating?  I am bleeding?  OMG! OMG! OMG!....Please let those 70 year old eyes be deceiving her.  So you're telling me I just walked through the buffet line with two men behind me and they couldn't say anything to me?  Hell no.. and yes I'm going to say it "TYPICAL FN MEN"  I walked from one end of the ballroom to the other and not one person could take me aside and tell me?  I left the table Aunt Cele was sitting at and she obviously saw it as I walked away from her yet couldn't say anything till I got back?  Please, Please this isn't happening is it?

It get's better.

Remember Dennis was wearing his Navy whites.  Once he found out what the problem was he freaked out because he had sat in the seat I was sitting in and was terrified he may have the devils fluid on his white pants.  Dennis's mother was being so helpful by going around to every table asking if anyone had a jacket or sweater I could tie around my waist because I started my monthly and had an accident and wanted to leave without anyone noticing.  By this time everyone knew and I could no longer use the excuse that I was chased by an axe murderer and barely escaped with my life.  I'm guessing at least 200 people..I got the jacket..tied it around my waist and did cart wheels to the door so I wouldn't look so obvious.  No I didn't do cart wheels but do you really think it would have been any less conspicuous? 

Dennis drove me to his parents house in his 1966 Dodge Polara that had white leather interior.  He suggested I ride in the trunk.  He certainly didn't want that 'stuff' on his car seats.  I got home..jumped in the shower  changed into an even more flashy outfit.  Orange pants and a pink patterned top..went back to the reception and danced the rest of the night. 

I never did eat my dinner.